FIJI FLING

(FK) Our 'stop-over' in Fiji on our way to Oz, was actually more like a holiday within a holiday. Whilst in Panama we decided that we needed a little break after making it all the way through Central America without too many scrapes. This travelling malarkey isn't as relaxing as it's made out to be. Neil was done with independent travel and flying by the seat of our pants for a while so we booked a bit of an organised trip with Awesome Fiji to the Yasawas, an idyllic chain of South Pacific islands to the north west of Nadi. 

With a night on the mainland to fill before we set sail on the Yasawa Flyer, we found a great restaurant to spend the evening. Our over consumption of delicious food in LA had left us craving more curry, so we ended up stuffing ourselves silly at a place called Sitar. 

Off we went to the port the next morning on our air conditioned coach accompanied by our informative tour rep. By now, Neil and I were thinking that this jaunt could have a touch of the Benidorms about it.  Our suspicions were confirmed when we rocked up to a very swish port and were processed in a very efficient manner with hoards of pasty tourists. Hmmm now this was culture shock! Sue Pollard would not have gone amiss.

Our budget 10 dayer involved four island stop overs with all our meals included. We'd opted for the most basic accommodation package aptly named '1 Coconut' which meant staying in dorms. What we hadn't realised and neglected to find out, was that it was Fiji's wet season, but when you've had six months of sunshine, you just take it for granted. Now coming from Manchester, we're used to rain, but even paradise ain't that great when it's absolutely pissing it down solid for six of the 10 days. 

So we did what Mancunians do when faced with rain and just got really drunk on the first day. Here's a bit of a flavour of some of the highlights as despite it being a little like Australia's version of the Canariesl (it's only four hours away) it is absolutely beautiful. 

Our first stop was South Sea Island which is actually part of the Mamanuca's, however we had a day trip to Beachcomber thrown in as the island had been privately booked for the day. We were greeted on the beach with a traditional Fijian song - Bula Fiji, accompanied with guitars and eukele.  Bula is the greeting enthusiastically used by everyone, said to everyone you meet in a booming voice (not hard for me of course). We got to see lots of baby turtles as part of the island's breeding programme which was fun. 

Island in the sun

South Sea was more like a sand bar, a tiny circle of white sand that you could walk around in two minutes. This is where we had our first introduction to Kava, not the fizz from Spain, but the traditional Fijian tea like brew that is drank everyday after dinner in a social setting to unwind the mind and make you sleepy. It tastes pretty unusual, makes your tongue go numb and it didn't really do too much to us, but it was great to take part in the ritual and share stories with village elders and the chief. We were later told we needed to drink at least 20 cups, bugger that I'd be up weeing all night!

(NK) We had a good chat with the chief who was a very interesting man:

"You bloody white fellas, you come here and tell us to put some clothes on and now look at you all running around drunk and half naked."

Haha, very interesting take and good example of the sometimes skewed logic of us white fellas. I also asked him what the religion was before Christianity was forced on them.

"Indescribable." he replied, though I knew what he meant and he knew I knew, so we just knew.

A chat with the Chief

It was winning a bottle of wine the night before in a hermit crab race with 'Dave the Wave' that led to an all day drinking binge in the rain, culminating in volley ball and a swim in a storm. My new found ability to talk with animals allowed me to shift into the bucket of crabs and have a chat to them in crab about who was the fastest, allowing me to pick the winner. Dave the Wave smashed it, there was never really any competition owing to said conversation in crab. Needless to say we didn't drink for the rest of our time on Fiji! 

Heading further up we reached the first Yasawa, Kuata. This was probably our favourite place as it was owned and run by the local village just across the bay. It felt very much like a village with a warmth that was infectious. Great snorkelling, perfect white beach with a backdrop used in Tom Hanks' film Castaway. Fijians are rugby mad and it wasn't long before a game of touch had sprung up on the beach. There I was reliving my youth, skipping through the defensive line when 'SNIPER' down I went with a popped hamstring. Agh, so this is what getting old means.

Paradise found!

Peace

Our mate Aku - now sponsored by Monkey Nutrition

(FK) After a sad farewell, we headed further up the islands to Barefoot Island Resort. This was the only place we stayed that wasn't owned and managed by Fijians and whilst it lacked a little of that rustic charm, it more than made up for it in the standard of the food and the type of activities that were more to our taste. I think that Fijian tourism and hospitality is very formulaic that it then replicated everywhere, with dancing and party games played every night after dinner with a scripted announcement. Organised fun is not always that fun, but we got stuck in with the spirit of the 80's with musical statues, musical chairs and the bula dance. Neil unfortunately missed musical chairs due to his hamstring. Being the best in his family at this game left him a little bit sulky at having to sit out. Barefoot's activities had a sense of more tradition, we learnt about the wonders of the humble coconut tree, some history on Fiji, a quiz, jewellery making and it generally felt a little less force and less pressure to take part. 

Handy crafts - I made Neil a bookmark

The highlight for us was the snorkelling, Barefoot has a world class house reef just off the beach. We spent a good few hours out there, seeing more marine life than we would on a typical dive. Clown fish, rays, feeding mackerel, barracuda, lion fish, cleaner fish, parrot fish, squirrel fish, grouper, hundreds of neon coloured fish and many more I didn't recognise. The piece de resistance was a reef shark. The boys at Kuata had told Neil a little trick to attract the fairly shy creatures - weeing in the water. Sure enough to my horror, the shark circled us a couple of times, yes I nearly shit myself! 

Our last stop was Nabualodge, we'd decided to treat ourselves here and at Barefoot  by upgrading to a private room. The bure here was the nicest accommodation we stayed in and we had the luxury of having our own bathroom. I was really excited about visiting the Blue Lagoon, the location of the slightly erotic 80s film starring Brook Shields. Not many of the other guests knew what I was bleating on about apart from a Dutch couple who were of a certain age! We also did a cave tour that was kindly donated to us by two Norwegian lads who were unwell. The boat ride was pretty mental in Monsoon style rain, but the caves were ace. Two fresh water caves that are linked by an underwater tunnel, one has natural light and the other is pitch black. A little freaky but very cool. 

The Blue Lagoon

Our little trip was missing something though and we were pining for our Central American adventure. That all changed at 3am amidst a huge thunder storm. A crying noise outside our cottage had woken me and I instantly knew what it was. Neil got out of bed and opened the door, sat on our porch shivering and wet through was a white puppy we'd been playing with earlier that day. Neil picked him up, bought him inside, wrapped him in a blanket and placed him on the floor at the bottom of our bed where he slept for the next four hours. Neil got up and took him out in the morning for his business and he came dashing back inside wanting to play. Gone had the nippy annoying pup from the previous day to a dog that just wanted to belong and beloved. O oh, the last time I felt like this was in Thailand and we came home and got Pip Dog! The pup woke us the next night too, amidst another storm, but this time he came trotting in and made himself at home.

Snuggles

We had a new friend, but although all the other tourists loved him, the staff were not keen saying he was a dirty jungle dog. True, but nothing a little tlc wouldn't sort, we squashed some ticks and a couple of fleas and even cut his nails. In an attempt to get the staff to look after him a bit, Neil came up with a blinder of a PR idea, "Let's call him Sereve" he said, "who?" I replied. "Only Fiji's greatest ever rugby player, he is practically a god here!" I'd had another idea too and spoke to the manager about sending some flea and tick medicine to put on the dog from Oz, she agreed and I really hope she meant it. I told her it was good for business to have a clean, friendly and adorable dog around. 

Puppy love - Sereve

We have not encounter hospitality and genuine friendliness like any where other than Fiji. Fijians are very humble and family orientated people who are pretty conservative with their views, however this does not make them narrow minded or judgemental of others, just the opposite. It would have been more up our street if we managed to get off the beaten track a little more, but it was just what we needed. So a little lighter from our controlled portions and nicely tanned from the seven hour boat ride back to the main land, we were ready to get to Sydney and couldn't wait to see Ma, Pa, Lou and Ads!

IT'S A DOG'S LIFE

FK - Never count your chickens before they hatch is a phrase I would do well to remember. Having felt rather relieved to have escaped Neil's bug, it decided to strike as we waved goodbye to Yanni and Michelle in Coban and we started out on a long drive to Antigua via Guatemala City. The capital was not on our list of must see destinations, but rather a 'needs must' to pick up a new charger for Neil's mac book (now the property of new owner in Flores) and some flippy floppies as his Havianas has died back in Belize.

After some death defying driving (not as bad as Mexico City might I add), we got on the road to Antigua $100 lighter, but armed with said items plus a Cinnabon for when I was feeling better (all I could think of was where my next toilet stop would be). Neil vowed NEVER to drive there again. We headed into Antigua just as dusk was falling, I felt terrible but could just about appreciate the amazing volcanic backdrop to the beautiful UNESCO World Heritage status town.

The steep road down to  Antigua

After a false start at the Black Cat Hostel (awful room, banging techno which would be great at any other time, reports of the dreaded bedbugs and only a shared bathroom), we booked into another very cute place round be corner where I promptly went to bed for 24 hours and left Neil to explore.

Feeling a lot better the next day, Neil had discovered an organic shop and bought me a kombucha tea. "Do you want the good or the bad news first?" Bad I replied, "the car's been broken into BUT the good news is they haven't stolen anything, despite your phone and camera being in there." Phew! "Do you want the good or bad news?" Bad I replied again. "There's nowhere in Antigua to get this fixed, BUT the good news is I've got to drive back to Guatemala City, but this time I've got a guy who's coming with me to direct for 100Q!" Lesson learnt, don't leave anything in the car that you aren't prepared to lose, always park in a secure car park and never say never especially in Latin America!

(NK) My new friend taught me to drive Guatemalan style, change lane first, then look in your mirrors and indicate. He just kept shouting 'Go!' and pointing. As we pulled into a favella style neighbourhood it became clear he didn't know exactly where he was going as he was stopping to ask around. We then pulled into a warehouse where we were greeted by a mustachioed man with a huge shotgun. Not to worry, this friendly chap was just the security guard for the garage. A necessary clause in the insurance contract. 

We ended up having some good craic and it took them less than an hour to replace the window. I was still relieved to get going and see how Fi was recovering back in Antigua.

(FK) Antigua made us feel festive for the first time, with a chill in the mountain air we wrapped up and wondered around its cobbled streets. We decided to treat ourselves to an early Christmas dinner of venison stew and rum, followed by fireworks and hot chocolate. Perfect.

Together at Christmas

I love how fate works its magic. Both Neil and I had been feeling a little homesick, missing being with our family and friends over Christmas including Pip Dog. We happened to see a poster for an animal shelter, Animal Aware – the largest no kill shelter in Central America, was looking for volunteers. A bit stuck for what to do over the festive period, we thought what better way than to spend it with a load of canine companions and doing something other than getting totally pissed, spend loads of money and eat our body weight in food for a whole week.

So off we trekked the next morning to Animal Aware, which was located about 7km from Antigua, out in the countryside. We arrived and were greeted by the owners of the shelter - Xenii, a Californian former fashion designer and Martyn, a Londoner and ex teacher. Both were clearly a little kooky (something which Martyn said helped with running the shelter!), but genuine good hearted people who were trying to educate locals about animal welfare and spaying and neutering whilst caring for 320 dogs and puppies and 80 cats and kittens, plus a handful and chickens and rabbits thrown in for good measure. With only 10 staff in total, the majority of which were off over the holidays, our help couldn’t have come at a better time.

We were given a guided tour of Hound Heights and the Pussy Palace with Xenii explaining that our job would be to look after the puppies and clinic animals, clean and feed them and walk our nine packs of dogs, each consisting of between three and nine dogs. Plus get involved with anything else that needed doing. Simple hey.

To say we were a little overwhelmed by the enormity of the task was an understatement, but we rolled our sleeves up and got on with it. We were shown the ropes by two other volunteers – Lydia and Angela, the latter we discovered had been to the shelter many times with her husband and had even adopted three dogs and a handful of cats, taking them home to Canada and helped in all sorts of wonderful ways.

Dog heaven

We had planned to stay on site in the volunteer’s casita, but having got changed for bed after our first day on the job I climbed into the top bunk only to discover I was sharing my bed with a lone flea and one of the resident cats Lisa-Claire. My allergies were in over-drive and no amount of puffs on my inhaler was going to help. The relief on Neil’s face said it all when I croaked “I can’t stay here”, he was up and dressed by the time I climbed down off the bed. It was past nine pm and the local hotel was all shut up, so we had our first night sleeping in the car.

Our typical day started at 7.30am, a quick stop to pick up a pocket full of treats before we walked down to the clinic to see what horrors awaited us. Some of the packs were already being walked and came to the gate to greet us, they weren’t daft, they were after a back scratch and some biscuits.

Big softies - Japeto having some afternoon love

The clinic housed new animals, ones that were ill, just had babies or had been fixed. Having been in their crates over night meant some of the young’uns had lots of nice presents waiting for us, smeared everywhere! The next two hours were like a military operation. One person let the dogs out in small groups, took the well ones for a walk, took the puppies out to play, whilst the other cleaned the crates and outdoor puppy pens, water and feed them all.

Mama's nine puppies in the clinic - eyes opening and starting to wriggle about

Once this was done, the pack walking started. Armed with a list that one of the other volunteers had written (in Spanish), we had to figure out who was who, who needed to be put on a lead and what dogs could just run free. Slightly daunting when you’re faced with a pack of six highly excited mutts who can not wait to feel the wind in their ears.

Peekaboo - found in a ditch with really bad mange and worms - all her fur fell out so we would take her out for an afternoon in the sun to warm up

Someone take Scott, the most annoying but most loveable snaggle tooth dog!

The afternoon was followed with letting the clinic dogs back out, more cleaning up, having a rough and tumble with the six puppies, walking the remaining one or two packs and then finished with another play time and feeding at the clinic. An action packed day that became our daily routine for nearly two weeks, usually filled with some dramas of dogs that disappeared on their walks, a few minor scraps, lots of avocado eating and loads of love and fun. Home time came at around four pm and I’ve never been so grateful for a hot shower and clean surroundings provided by a Guatemalan shelter supporter Darvy and his family in nearby San Lucas.

One eyed Sparrow was found with kids throwing stones at her - she loved avocados

We were only planning on staying a week, but after Martyn and Xenii plied us with enough rum and wine on Christmas day at a wonderful and unexpected feast; Xenii said they really needed us to stay until after New Year as they were so short staffed. What could we say? It’s hard dirty graft but we get to spend the day walking in the woods and playing in the meadow with some of the most amazing dogs we have come across who gave their unconditional love and trust to people they have only just met.

Picture perfect Christmas

In another twist of fate, our newly acquired friends, Michelle and Yanni had been in touch to say they had changed their plans and were coming to Animal Aware to help out. Brilliant, getting to spend the day with the animals and our mates was perfect, plus Yanni and Michelle are such calming people that they were ideal for the pooches and weren’t fazed at all by all the poo and pee you ended up being covered in (or maybe that was just me). It also meant that as a bonus we got to spend New Years Eve with them too, a slightly different affair than our usual shenanigans, a lovely dinner with one cocktail and in bed by 11! Well I certainly didn’t fancy dealing with all that dog shit on a hangover!

Always wanting kisses

And from me too!

Although we knew our trip needed to continue and were looking forward to what lay ahead, we were very sorry to leave and say goodbye. It is so sad that these animal end up here, many have been tied up to the gate and left, some macheted in the head and back, others fending for themselves on the street and many given up by their owners as they are no longer small and cute puppies. The reality is that the majority will never be adopted into a loving family and will spend their last days here, but I cannot think of a more loving and better environment for them to be in.

A massive shout out of appreciation to everyone who looks after these forgotten animals including Darvy, Ligia, Angela, Brad, the voluntary vets and all the amazing volunteers. Last but not least the wonderfully caring and endearingly crazy Xenii and Martyn.

the wonderful Xenii and Martyn

Angela bought a 6 months supply of cat food for the shelter

Darvy and Neil's favourite dog - Mina Mina!!!

 It maybe along way from the comfort of your home but  Animal Aware needs your support as it runs purely on donations and goodwill – you can volunteer, sponsor an animal, adopt an animal or simply donate.

(NK) I do love dogs, I mean really love dogs. 320 dogs, however, was a new experience. We walked away with sadness for the friends we’d be leaving (animal and human) but will no doubt return and hope to continue to help in anyway we can when we’re back in the UK.

The beautiful Lake Atitlan

We were slightly excited about some well-deserved R&R at the famous Lake Atitlan. Deciding to forgo the hedonistic village of San Pedro we made for San Marco. Our host Darvy had responded: “Why do you want to go there, it’s full of hippies!” Well, we had some unfinished business with travel hippies and wanted to find out if we could learn to love them. Darvy, kindly drew some directions that showed the good roads that were safe and the one bad road where we’d probably get robbed.

After an eventful drive in which an oncoming/overtaking lorry ran Trisha off the road we wound our way down to the beautiful Lake Atitlan. High up in the mountains it is surrounded by three volcanoes, which create a tranquil but dramatic vista.

All the rooms in San Marco were full so in the end we did have to drive around to San Pedro for one night. On the way back to San Marcos we picked up some hitchhiking hippies to notch up our karma and try to understand these dreadlocked nomads. They didn’t say much.

We decided to splash out a little and stayed at the lovely AaculaaxHotel. The English girls we keep bumping into, Anna and Harry, just happened to be in San Marcos too. It was lots of fun to see them both again and swap tales. The next few days were spent relaxing, eating healthy food and drinking Kombucha. Unfortunately we didn’t take many photos as we were knackered.

Anna and Harry had been to a rainbow gathering in Palenque for the end of the Mayan calendar. A rainbow gathering from what we hear, involves bongos, chanting, vegetarian food, halucinogenics, nakedness, disgusting shit pits, and lots and lots of love. This is how they will one day save the planet.

San Marcos indeed had a bush on every corner as the hippies shed the constraints of human clothes and pranced around the way mother nature had intended. We must say that despite keeping our clothes on, we found the happy vibe of the place just the medicine we needed.

It all culminated in a Hippie Fest party with comedy, music, chanting, trancing and fire shows. We got involved, a bit. Hippies - they’re not that bad.

Upon leaving Harry gave me a hug with a little cheeky look on her face. She then smugly passed on a bracelet that said: “Hug it forward.” The burden was now mine.

We peeled ourselves away from the tranquil environment of San Marcos and set a course for Honduras. The murder capital of the world… surprisingly.

WANTED - DEAD OR ALIVE

(NK) Well, we’re back to just the two of us. Captain Demando AKA Leo Panelli AKA Captain Crook is a long story. We’ve deliberated on whether to tell the tale and how to do it and in the end decided to just go for it. It’s not really your average travel blog stuff. More like crime fiction. Settle in, this is a long one and it’s a bumpy ride.

You only have to look at this picture of Trisha to see that Mexico is scam central. The rest of the street was empty but they chose this strategic parking instead.

Nice one lads!

As per our previous blogs, the idea of crewing on a yacht seemed a bit unbelievable to us but we’d spoken to people who’d done it, so we thought, why not. After leaving Cancun and coming to Cozumel island to bring the boat in we were starting to have our suspicions about the man we were calling Captain Demando.

Most of his story checked out, he was a very intelligent/psychologically manipulative guy who knew almost everything about anything and he could play the guitar like the rock star he claimed he was.

On the flip side, he clearly had an alcohol problem, was taking prescription psych drugs and painkillers - for what he claimed were his kidney stones and mild depression - and had some clear personality malfunctions. He’s the sort of guy that is always shouting obscenities or using shock to try and get a laugh or some attention. As his personality began to grate so too his addictions began to surface as real problems.

Our doubts were growing but the carrot of a sailing trip was still dangling and we thought, hey, hopefully the rest of the crew will be decent people. We were also swayed into believing his condition was just short term and he would get better soon. Something he constantly promised us.

After a few days on Cozumel we moved into a swanky three-bed apartment with an ocean view and a diving board straight into the Caribbean sea. It was then that things started to go really wrong.

When we met Leo we were sold his elaborate life story and a bit of online research showed it checked out well enough. He had also told us that he had been robbed in Cancun (FK – even showing us the exact spot it happened) so had no ID, credit cards or anything. All he had was the emergency $2,000 from American Express when his card was stolen. “But not to worry guys, that will all be sorted in a matter of days” was his mantra.

We’d been with him for two weeks and the money was running out, we were now starting to pay for things in the interim which we knew was wrong but the same old, “don’t worry guys my accountant will send you a transfer over.”

I pulled Fi to one side. This guy is a bullshitter. A very good one, I give him that, but a bullshitter. He liked to show us YouTube videos of his favourite songs, as I became more certain of his intentions I showed him this video.

It went right over his head.

FK – Now people that know me will agree that I always like to see the best in people, but when the cold reality of what Neil was saying struck me, I knew it was true but didn’t want to believe it. We started to have secret meetings down by the ocean once Leo had passed out from all the Tafil and Tequila he had necked, to discuss the days bullshit and work out a plan of action.

NK - The money had run out and we were not paying anymore. He was trying to get us to party, to be more fun. He wanted to go out and get girls. I should add here that he was a stinky fat slob, yet one night he brought two young American girls home and apparently had a threesome with them, such was the power of his bullshit. Or was that bullshit. Too much bullshit, to keep track of.

Me and Fi had a bigger problem, we had foolishly started to pay for things he promised to pay us back for since his money had run out. We had foolishly given him a huge $600 for the port fees to get his license to bring the boat in. I said to Fi, be prepared to lose that money or be prepared to call him out and watch the shit go down. Fi sees the best in people, she believed this might all still be true. I must admit, a part of me still did, even though all my instincts said scam.

Up until that time he had been playing us with his bigshot lifestyle and knowledge, paying for stuff, telling us what great people we were and how we were helping him recover and get his life back on track after the divorce with his wife. Teaching us to play guitar, to sail, psychoanalyzing us with disturbing precision, but now the tide was turning.

Things had changed. He was stalling us, using his health as an excuse, using American banks, credit card companies and the consulate being slow as excuses, using Thanksgiving and the holiday season as an excuse for the rest of the crew not being here yet, using Mexican bureaucracy as an excuse. There were too many excuses, which when we challenged were met with outrage.

He then made a number of mistakes. He was constantly talking about his house that was closing for $1.8 mil in Oaxaca. Due to his divorce and for tax reasons he would need to reinvest it straight away into more property. He liked Cozumel and so started looking at land and property with the manager of the apartments we were staying at, Matias, an extremely handsome and friendly Argentinian man who lived on the island with his Italian wife and baby. We’re talking big properties, penthouses and ocean front land. Matias took time from his schedule to make arrangements and show Leo around the island.

(FK) -  Leo had us join him on this little farce, so that we could watch what a big shot property tycoon he was and teach us all about buying property. Urmmm Leo, you obviously weren’t listening when I told you what I did back at home. It was embarrassing, he was so doped up on drugs he was slurring his speech.

(NK) His second mistake was to mention he was looking for another crew-member, and ask us did we know anyone. After some talking we thought about Nicholas, our cousin back in Fairfax. We spoke to Uncle Paul and Auntie Pia who thought it might be a good idea.

Uncle Paul started to do some research and found something that showed up on Facebook through his Iphone but for some reason not when you looked at it on a computer. It was from June, a guy saying Leo is a scam artist, watch out! Turns out if you navigate from his fan-page onto his personal page which is slightly hidden you can find it.

He sent it to me, it could’ve been something or nothing, a minor dispute, but after everything that had happened it confirmed our suspicions.

His third mistake was the way in which he wanted to buy the car from us. He wanted to make the transfer and then get a bill of sale and the title before the money landed in our account. So far we had fallen for it but did he think we were that stupid? More alarm bells went off, no way. We had to get rid of this guy, we had to get our money back.

He started to see I was getting impatient to the point of aggressive and would not put a single peso more into this. He needed the apartment. He needed to show he had money. The next day he announced he was going to buy the apartment from Matias and sure enough Matias and his wife came over to sort out the details.

I cannot convey how much of a bell-end he was in this meeting. An offer was made, he said he wouldn’t be paying any more rent as he’d be using a US ESCROW to make a non refundable deposit immediately yada yada legal speak bullshit. He wanted to buy the house and he wanted to do it now. Matias and his wife went away and made the offer, which was accepted.

(FK) Leo thought he was home and dry. His opening gambit was “Guys, tell me I’m a genius.” Oh Leo, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings, you cocky twat. It all came crashing down on him.

Banged up abroad

(NK) Matias came back to say the offer was accepted and Leo could pay the deposit by transfer into his account. No way, said Leo, I want to do an Escrow. I listened to the conversation. Something was going on with Matias. He was being polite but I could tell by his attitude, he was saying, DO NOT TRY TO SCAM ME!

Like Hitler, Leo was now fighting a war on two fronts. We wouldn’t pay for another week’s rent and Matias wouldn’t let us stay on this promise of an Escrow Leo was talking about.

The next morning came his judgement.

We were moving out and Matias had spent all night doing his homework on Leo and us. He started off by speaking to us first and asking a few questions that he knew the answers to, a test of our honesty, to see if we were part of the scam. He could see we were genuine and he quickly ascertained the situation. While we had been out Matias had checked Leo’s room for weapons. The place was a pig sty and there was a cigarette burn in his bed. I’m a rock star! Would’ve been Leo’s usual response.

FK - As Matias walked out of the apartment, he said he’d be back in an hour. I went to shake his hand and apologise for the absolute debacle. I must have had a look of sheer desperation in my eyes as he said “I need to speak to you outside now." He said what we already knew – This guy is a scam artist. Any hope of this guy being a good honest man evaporated from me and I felt a sense of desperation creeping into me. I told Matias that we didn’t know how to get our money back and get rid of him. He said he would be back in an hour, get the money from him any way you can and I will help you run this rat back into the jungle where he belongs.

NK - Fiona urgently grabbed me and told me what had happened – halleluiah   but how were we going to get out of this. I knew I had to get the money back now. I went back inside and asked Leo if he still had it as we ‘needed it for the port fees’ and I wanted to make sure we didn’t need to draw out any more. He said yes, but I insisted he counted it again as he was probably drunk or doped up on painkillers last time. He pulled the money out and started to count.

“Here, I’ll do it”, I said and snatched it out of his hand. He watched me count it and then put it in my pocket. That’s when he went ballistic. He was in my face saying I was disrespecting him and didn’t trust him. He’d made a big deal about trusting each other, obviously. I didn’t care. Leo acted a tough guy all the time. He’d made the mistake of trying to play fight me when he was drunk. He didn’t know I was trained to fight and fought for fun until late in our relationship. He knew that physically there was no way for him and started to whine he’d left his hat in the car, could he have the keys?

The rat was getting ready to jump ship. Of course, he didn’t get the car keys, he got told to sit down and wait.

I spoke with Matias. We needed to end this and he agreed to help but I never expected what came next. Earlier in the week we’d been looking for paddle boards and found a hostel at the edge of some jungle. That’s where we told Leo we were going. We pulled up just beyond it in a quiet place.

Unbeknown to Leo, Matias had followed us. He got out of the car and told Leo he had a small problem with the cigarette burns. Then he said it: ‘But you don’t care because you are a scam artist trying to scam these good people.’

I chimed in, ‘So what the f*8k is really going on Leo.’ He tried to squirm and all hell broke loose. Matias lost his shit! He was screaming, veins were bulging, the latin fire was alive. I should mention that we had clicked with Matias a little over the previous week and really liked him. (FK – what Neil really means is he had a bit of man crush on Matias!)

Now though, he was someone else and he was talking about doing terrible things to Leo, the sort of things that are usually reserved for movies or African civil wars. I believed him. The phone rang, it was Matias’ wife and Matias was struggling to keep calm while talking to her, she wanted him to calm down but instead he came out with this cracker in his staccato latin accent.

“Yes I know I am angry but my parents, they get divorced when I was younger, I still have a lot of anger issues so when I get a chance like this, well, it is much cheaper than a psychologist.”

Then it was my turn to get angry, Leo was about to get chopped up and buried in the jungle. Yet STILL he lied, still he maintained his story. If we gave him the day he could prove everything he said. Was he completely deluded, mentally ill, did he believe his own lies so much? We left him outside and checked into the hostel. It was starting to look like a scene from a Tarantino film and we needed to calm down before it became one.

Matias left us and headed back onto the main road, but on the way out, as if by fate he saw a passing police car and knew the two officers. The Policia was always out of the question for us. They’d tried to extort us in the past and our Spanish was useless compared to Leo’s. Matias on the other hand was well connected. Off Leo was packed to the station and before we knew it we were all in a room with a judge and the American consulate telling our story.

Leo would spend the night in jail while immigration checked out his status as he had no ID. As we left Matias said, “For the first time I see you shine, you can be the people you are again.”

We bid Matias an emotional thank you and went back to the hostel. A curse had been lifted from us.

That's your last Margarita for some time!

What to do now?

We were shell-shocked by what had happened. Our own stupidity. Could it have gone very differently? How did it all go so wrong?

Let it go? Nope. We started our retribution immediately. We did what we needed to do and found people that wanted Leo’s blood. A list of people he’d conned over the past two years, some just emotionally. Some for thousands of dollars, some for property, boats, businesses, cars and one man for a horrible amount of money. The sort of money we’re not likely to see in our lifetime. Had he kept conning and losing it? What did he see in us? Where we a quick con, part of a bigger con? What became clear was this guy was a professional who’d left a path of destruction.

People were looking for him on an international level and they were over the moon that we had found him and told them his whereabouts.

We examined our weaknesses, the chinks in the armour that almost became our downfall. Why did we fall for that one? Why did we not question that harder? Why us etc? But in the end why us? Perhaps because we’d worked it out. Perhaps because he needed to be stopped. I don’t know. We were dealing with a master of deception. A man who lived to do this and who we came to learn was so mentally messed up, probably believed most of his lies himself. Trust us when we say he had smart answers for everything, kept us busy, manipulated us and managed to keep refueling his time with us.

It’s easy to look at this paraphrased account and question our sanity. The reason we deliberated on writing this? The last thing we need is a - be careful - or unnecessary worry. We can take our own lessons from this. We were targeted, reeled in and when he tried to pull us aboard, we ate the motherfucker.

We have gone through a series of emotions and I would no doubt like to smash him to pieces but we hope what we have done in the aftermath is enough to bring him to justice. The response from people he’s scammed has been rewarding. Gratitude, appreciation and one person saying he was in awe of what we have accomplished. Though, we can’t really give all the details of what we did in the aftermath – it was Fiona’s cunning that saved the day.

This comment being a favourite from the Facebook page

 We are looking for you Leo! You can run but not hide. Look like you fucked with The wrong person!

We’re under no illusions. We were stupid, we were in danger and we owe a lot to Matias for his help in catching him. Good people have been cheated but good people also did what needed too be done. Matias could have walked away from all of us that day but he wanted to help put things right.

So where is Leo Panelli now?

After spending the night in prison he was sent to Cancun. There are now various lawyers representing his various victims trying extradite him for his crimes and various warrants. He had done a great job of leaving just enough but not enough about himself on the internet. Deleting bad comments, closing and reopening email and social media accounts to shake people from his trail. Those accounts belong to someone else now. His time has run out.

Still laughing!

FK - That afternoon we went back to the dogs home where we’d been volunteering and took stock of what had happened. We’d lost out but we also had a new appreciation for each other and for the amazing journey we were on. For all his sham and lies he had taught us one great thing.

“Each morning when you wake together, know that the other could be gone the next day.”

That afternoon we went back to the Cozumel Humane Society dog shelter where we'd been volunteering and got some perspective back.

This is Pixar but I thought she looked more like a Julie

Little Chicle, rescued from the city pound after he was attacked

The day after we just got wrecked

So, we got right back on track and went wreck diving the next morning with the owner of the hostel, Adolfo, before driving Trisha into the sunset, Belize bound. Cozumel was a great little island with world class diving, hopefully one day we will return to the genuine friends we made there.